I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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