i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
