i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
