I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
