She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
