Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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