Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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