I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
