The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
