It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
