Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
