Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize