We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
