It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
