dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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