I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
