all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
