I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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