I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
