I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
