I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
