I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
