Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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