i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
how does that bad decision feel?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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