I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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