New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
