All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
