He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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