Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
