Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
