Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
