I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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