she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
