sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
