Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you win again, gameday.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
