u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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