Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
