I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
