forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Soap is not a condiment
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
