Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
