hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
