I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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