if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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