My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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