it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
