she smelled like a LAN party
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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