i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
