are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
