She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
