Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
