i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
