So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
