allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
