Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
