wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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