...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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