Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
