So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Acid is not a monday night drug
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
