Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
