He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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