just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
