it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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