And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
