why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
