i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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