so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
