apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
