If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
