You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
