I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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