i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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